I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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