I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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