My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
