You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
