I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
