The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
