he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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