The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
