First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
