Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize