I wish I only lived at night.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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