didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
