i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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