Whats the count minus fat chicks?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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