Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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