Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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