While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
