You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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