I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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