I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
