Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize