I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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