just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
