im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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