She's JV to your varsity
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This baby is an asshole
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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