i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
