Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
why do cheetos always look like penises
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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