We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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