dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
