Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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