You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize