Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize