I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize