Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
