quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
