i don't plan on having that self control this summer
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
