My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
