I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
