he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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