I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
