I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize