Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
