so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize