my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
