direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i love accidental penises.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
