We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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