Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Will you blow on my dice?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
