it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
