I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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