I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
