Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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