Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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