the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
