how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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