Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
