Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize