I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
