Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
