Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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