Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
