she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
