dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I smell stomach acid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
