It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize