So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
handjob tips. give me some.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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