ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
