Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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