So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
