I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
