You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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