I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
