I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
