Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize