I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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