Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
