He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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