I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
