Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
