you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
