If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You need a sexual gate keeper
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
