She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
