Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
