Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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