i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
