Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
