Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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