I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
home. puking in laundry basket.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
