So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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