Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
