meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
