I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
