dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
