I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
