oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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