Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
