There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
