I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
