she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
