question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
