Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
