just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
